What about me?

It's hard to believe that September is officially half over as of today! Where is the time going??? Much has happened since my last post, which explains why it's taken this long...

First of all, my husband is now home full time. Bittersweet...although the good news is that he can now help with some of Shelly's caregiving needs! Like walking the twins as we call April and Paige for their 2+ mile daily walks again. It's easier to leave Shelly home when someone can assure her that she's not unloved by being left behind...

My heart broke today as she repeatedly barked while watching as the twins left for their walk without her. We found out the hard way a week or so ago that taking her is just too hard on her now. Even her holistic veterinarian agreed that it's probably too much for her.  It's so hard when the mind is willing, but the body is not...So mom decided to spoil her with some special treats for staying home. She really enjoyed those!

We both took her for an acupuncture treatment last week. Shelly actually needed two treatments in one week as she had been very up and down with her energy and eating. As you can see in the picture, she has a series of needles in her back, all parallel to one another. This region is stimulating the bladder. For whatever reason the doctor told us that there was excessive heat being generated here. Interesting how all of this ancient medicine works! Shelly is also on various Chinese herbs to help boost her immune system, and help support everything during her chemotherapy.

When taking chemotherapy treatments, eating is essential for maintaining an immune system. It has been difficult getting Shelly to eat willingly every time. Some meals she wants, but most she does not. I've been coaxing her with many add-ins, but it's becoming increasingly more difficult. We just put her on Mirtazapine to help stimulate her appetite. I found it interesting that this being a human drug, it is prescribed mainly for depression. It's working for Shelly though. She's now eating more again thank the Lord!

This morning while giving Shelly some of her herbs and medications either encased in goat cheese with honey, or buried into one of her natural treats, Paige approached me with this look, "What about me"??? "Where's mine??" Paige has absolutely no idea that I'm only giving these apparent treats to Shelly because she's sick and needs her medicine. Paige is also on a diet to loose weight, so even giving her a little of the cheese or treats is off limits. I told her that she just has to trust me which is  truly tough love.

It then came to my mind right away that many times this is how we are with God. We look at those around us and compare ourselves to them. We see them getting more than what we get. We see them with more than we have and we say to ourselves, "what about me?" Maybe it's not even material things, but a job that someone has that we wish we had, but aren't qualified for or even capable of having.  Maybe it's a relationship that we yearn for that we see others having when we don't or can't.
Whatever it is, we feel left out. We truly feel like God's not listening. The truth is He is. He knows our every thought.
You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.   Psalm 139:1-4

God is sovereign and in control even when we can't see it. Just like Paige with me this morning. She can't see the entire picture because it's well beyond her realm of being. This is exactly the picture of us with God. He knows the complete picture, we do not. He knows what is best for us, we do not. Just like with a fine tapestry God is the master weaver. He sees the top side of the complete and finished piece. We only get to see bits and pieces of the underside where the entire picture can't be seen. How can we know what is best when we don't see the entire picture? The answer is we can't. We need to trust him, because we should.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5,6

Trusting God is not easy when we don't know the outcome. Our human nature is to want to be in control. Notice I said want because God is the one in control.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28

As much as I want to control Shelly's cancer, it's obvious that I can't. I can only pray and ask God for his wisdom in treating it. After completing two rounds of acupuncture last week, Shelly is now feeling better and eating more regularly. Just in time for her scheduled third round of chemotherapy tomorrow. Assuming she gets it, we'll have to hope and pray the herbs and medicine continue doing what they've been doing this past week.
Well at least for today, Shelly is in her happy place...

Chemical warfare

As I was talking to someone the other day about the general course of events we've faced with Shelly, she asked me, "How does something like this happen"? Great question! How does something like this happen to an otherwise very healthy animal?

When I dealt with lymphoma in Tessie, my previous tri-colored sheltie, it was a huge surprise but then it all seemed to fit as she had several other major health issues pretty much her entire life.  We knew her immune system was already compromised, so when cancer struck, it wasn't a shock of disbelief. I do remember however feeling like I had been sucker-punched the day I learnt she had it. It was a terrible feeling that started in my gut. I guess that all goes along with the unknown territory of cancer...

 

 

It's hard to truly see in the above pictures, but she suffered from DM, a degenerative disease of the skin, muscle and blood. She was diagnosed at the age of 1-1/2 years when her occipital protuberance/sagittal crest was becoming more and more pronounced. This is the bone felt at the top of a dogs head, between the ears. The reason for this was her muscle was wasting. This also caused her eyes to appear droopy as the muscle surrounding her skull was further eroding due to the disease. She actually lost about 2-3" of the fur on the tip of her tail early on. The poor baby. I remember it getting bloody during our cold harsh winters, worrying it would literally freeze. As she became older, her jaw would periodically quiver, which was attributed to a loss of muscle. If that had ever become so severe to where she couldn't swallow, euthanasia would have been the only option. Fortunately, it never reached that point.

In addition to the DM, she had severe, extremely severe allergies which required monthly shots. She was allergic to everything - including grass! Think about that for a minute. To us, that would be like being allergic to air. In essence, she basically was allergic to that too...

 

All things brought about because she had a weakened immune system, very likely from birth. Later on I learnt it was irresponsible breeding, but back then I wasn't going to return her! She was mine and I loved her, health issues and all. Please let this be a lesson if you're reading this, to be very, very thorough in purchasing a puppy from a breeder!!

 

So, getting back to my friends excellent question of "how could this happen?"

 

I felt led two years ago, by the Holy Spirit, to get rid of all lawn chemicals. We live in a HOA where we share common property, and therefore have a landscaper that yes, uses lawn chemicals!! I've actually been told in reading the MSDS specs on the chemicals used, that they are safe. Well, these are likely the same chemical companies that tell us that GMO foods are safe for us as well. Let me ask a rhetorical question - what part of CHEMICAL sounds safe to you??

 

Yes, I believe in my heart without question, that the lawn chemicals are to blame here. I specifically mention that I was led two years ago to do something, which further backs up my belief of this and how the holy spirit acted to inspire my action then.

 

When Jesus walked on the earth, He guided and taught His disciples. They could talk and listen to Him, gaze upon Him, and even reach out and touch Him. But on the day Jesus ascended into heaven, He told His disciples that He would lead and guide them in an entirely new way—through the Holy Spirit (John 16: 7–15).

 

In looking at Shelly's health history, the TCC (bladder cancer) that she now has, first showed symptoms in June 2013. When symptoms appear, the inflammation is already present. Had I done something the summer before in 2012 when I first felt prompted, perhaps she would have avoided the toxic chemicals that transitioned her healthy cells into cancerous cells.

 

Gods timing is perfect! "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

 

There is no such thing as coincidence.

 

So why didn't I do something 2 years ago?  I did, I tried.
I managed to get the HOA to eliminate chemically spraying pine trees that actually touch our back deck where we spend most of our summer evenings. Yeah - victory won! Sadly though, I dropped the ball on the lawn treatment. I tried. I was told by the HOA that we could eliminate chemicals on our immediate lawn area only, but they would continue to treat the common area. You'd have to see our lawn/common area in order to understand this was as good as saying no. How would we tell our shelties to stay just to our immediate lawn area? How would we manage the chemical residue to stay just to the common area and not leach into our personal property? It became complicated to say the least. Therefore, nothing changed, and they continued applying chemicals to the lawn.

 

I am happy to report however that as of Shelly's diagnosis, the HOA has agreed to quit chemically treating our lawn area! Yeah - another victory won! I also am happy to see that several other homeowners are on board with eliminating chemical use community wide. If you're in my subdivision,  please help be proactive in getting our HOA to eliminate chemical treatment throughout our tiny community.

 

For anyone with children reading this, please, please, be aware that even though this post is all about my dog Shelly, it could just as easily be about your precious little Jack or Emma. One story... We humans are just as susceptible to chemical toxins as pets. Real facts are that over extended time, it's only a matter of just that until the toxins begin to leach into our cells and thus begins the inflammation process...ultimately cancer of some form. Doubt what I'm saying? Just look around. They're continually building bigger and bigger cancer wards - why? Because more and more people and children are getting it. It's a sad reflection of our times today. I personally believe it all starts with what we allow into our bodies. Chemicals attack us and our pets everywhere, everyday even in our own Dangerous Backyards. This is another post for another day. For today it's about Shelly.

 

 

So...after beating myself up over this, it occurred to me that my beloved Shelly doesn't look at me today and ask me why? She looks at me with her eyes full of love and devotion just as she does everyday. She honestly has no idea what's going on. I believe with my whole heart that even if Shelly did know, she'd still forgive me. That's her nature, that's a dogs nature, that's God's nature.

If God can forgive us of our sins when we meet him at the cross where he laid down his one and only son to die for us, why can't we forgive ourselves? Yes I feel just awful. Heartsick about this, but I can't change it. I can only move forward one day at a time, to graciously accept the manna God provides each day. I like to call it grace. It's all a choice, and I do choose God. He's the only way to find that deep down peace we all yearn for and that peace is called Jesus.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.   John 3:16